[12 Jul 2009|12:09am] i need some peace of mind post comment

[26 Mar 2009|10:31am] i keep listening to my mixtape over and over again. have you ever felt so good for such a short period of time? and told yourself, never let go of that feeling cuz nobody can take it away and it ain't going anywhere as long as you hold on to it so i think about it when i dance by myself i close my eyes and im surrounded by people and lights and music coming from every direction i listen to the words of friends i love enemies i love the look in peoples' eyes the way they walk the way they dance the way they play music harder than ever before with more passion and more soul and the purest love that love lives for ever makes you invincible like a superhero i envision dreams coming true breaking free from chains.. i hear laughter with no hesitation.. smiling eyes gentle hands it's all dark until our glow lights everything up family my brothers and sisters one love post comment

[06 Mar 2009|10:20am] I don't think you can really learn something, and preach it with sincerity, unless it is a lesson you have applied or are applying in your life. And you cannot really talk about what you've come to know without being conscious of what you're doing, and acting according to what you believe and what is true in your heart. I have learned that the human heart is big enough to hold people in it, whether or not these people have been the best at loving you back. The people that stay with you on the inside, who become the voices of reason when you are not sure yourself, who the thought of holds you up in times of struggle, whose memories have given you the experiences needed in life.. these are the ones worth holding on to. They are always present. You cannot make people choose to love you, but that does not mean they do not already love you. You can still choose to love them, and somewhere in the empty holes of their lives, the love you have given them will flow and fill up the holes. And they may not choose to thank you, but that does not mean it is not recognized by the heart of humanity, which needs us to unify by putting others before ourselves, and loving more. loving ourselves enough to know how crucial it is to be loved. So you do not become weary at your efforts not having an effect of other peoples' efforts, you become fulfilled at your own work. In this way you come to depend on yourself, and you are always surrounded by love. Well shes walking through the clouds With a circus mind thats running round Butterflies and zebras And moonbeams and fairy tales Thats all she ever thinks about Riding with the wind. When Im sad, she comes to me With a thousand smiles, she gives to me free Its alright she says its alright Take anything you want from me, anything Anything. Fly on little wing, Yeah yeah, yeah, little wing -Jimi Hendrix "Little Wing" post comment

[04 Mar 2009|09:26pm] what you do doesn't define who you are, but how you do it is what you're left with at the end of the day and the rest of your life. it's all trial and error.. you learn by making mistakes or observing other people making them. you try new strategies, and if they doesn't work, you try more. the spirit of living, the guts of life, that's what keeps you going. that's what gets you back up when you fail and let's you know that as long as you get up, you win. forcing you to push on. givin you the hope you need to believe in a better future and keep your head up so you can see what's in front of you, buildin you up with the strength you need to live for every moment, and step up to the challenges you're facing. that's the foundation. without that, even if you're hustlin right, without that spirit, it's all empty. and you can't really appreciate it or be appreciated ("it's a good/bad karma thing") it's the voice from inside you that makes you think before you act, built up by everything you've been through up until that moment.. all the strugglin, all the pain.. everything you got out of it, that voice is steady singin to keep movin and just do it and don't doubt yourself cuz you already know.. and i don't know if i'd be able to listen to that undying positive force without the people in my life to remind me of it and keep representin. you don't even have to be talkin bout it, as long as that's how you livin, im feelin that, and you inspire me. you know who you are and i love you! to me that's what's gangsta.. livin for what you'd truly die for.. and man people vibe off how you livin, if you're all negative, that's gonna rub off. so you can't be complaining about people being negative and negative shit goin down if you bein all whiny and not doin anything to change it! you lead by example, if you wanna see some kinda change, you're a liar, a whiner and a fool if you are not gonna try and be part of that change you wanna see so bad. but 4 whatever it's worth you're my hero if you try. 1 comment|post comment

[09 Nov 2008|11:41am] It's in the act of having to do things that you don't want to that you learn something about moving past the self. Past the ego. -bell hooks post comment

[07 Oct 2008|01:57pm] [ music | Sade - Pearls ] Wouldn't it be breathtaking if the spirit of giving, the child of the people's pain , filled us all up in one moment and changed us forever? So every hater would feel enough love to stop hating, and every lover no longer felt alone in their struggle. I'm so mad at people for worrying and fighting over things that don't matter. If we focused on ourselves as a community, the isolating selfishness and ignorance would no longer be so comfortable. Why does it take something so horrible to wake people up? God is the greatest revolutionary.. It's hard to read about 9/11 and Katrina because of how real it is. I find myself flashing back to the early days volunteering in N.O. Some people had been there so long. They walked the streets alone, the new world's soldiers. It wasn't easy to talk to them. They held so much inside. Many were sick from the water the searched through for bodies, remains. They looked at you with dead eyes, cold hearts. Everything they said, if they said anything at all, had meaning I would spend the rest of my life trying to understand. I could never turn my back or give up. It wasn't so much a decision, it was like my hands had been up to the sky and this was just handed to me. This is my school. This is my work. This is my soul-mate. I became nothing but a fighter, taught by the best revolutionaries. I was no longer afraid to die with such an important reason to live. Seeing people help is believing things can change. The lives lost were like sacrifices made to make things different and better. When I walked into St. Pauls (a church in NY where a ceremony for a book about 9/11 and Katrina was held) I sat down and listened to the book's author speak, a known and respected, beloved comrade. There was this amazing feeling I can't explain. The chills I felt first on my arms poured over my body like purifying water.. I was shaking. Tears kept coming. When I got back home that night I was holding on to that feeling. In my mind I saw winged kids sitting on clouds looking down, they were trying to show us what it would be like when we got there, hugging and thanking us with smiles so bright, dancing around us. It was like they were trying to tell us we are appreciated, encouraging us not to give up. Maybe I'm just crazy, but I've found that believing in dreams like these gets you through the hard times. When I first got back to NY I couldn't sleep, haunted by real-life nightmares. The kids faces when I didn't have something they needed, begged for more. I felt like I had nothing left to five. My little brother and sister, not so little anymore, looked up at me the same way. All I could think was Get Rich or Die Trying. I prayed a lot. I beat the crap out of pillows. I fell into deep meditations. Words could not express how I felt. Is it ever going to get better? I never gave up hope but I was literally sick of looking for answers and resources and ending up with less than what I had before. I just stood still, searching for signs, I didn't know how much longer I could do in the wrong directions, turning back at every dead end. If everything happens for a reason, was the purpose of my existance just to give up already? I couldn't believe this to be true, not after all we worked for. I had a dream one of the most important women in my life told me "You're gonna throw all that hard work away for nuthin?" I knew giving up was not an option, and that giving and loving more when it's the hardest is the only way to survive. I had to force myself to believe everything I've been through taught me everything I needed to know to keep going. I kept telling myself I'm still here, there's gotta be a reason for that. I forgot I was still growing up and learning all the things kids are supposed to learn. My friends' lives were so different from mine, from ours in the city. Through them I saw myself, reflecting a desire to understand and be a part of something bigger than ourselves, not knowing where to start, afraid of losing what they got if they give it away. We are all born with the strength to survive. To help each other. To lose everything and get somethin back by makin something out of nothing. Our ability to work together is the backbone of humanity. Stepping out of the self-serving zones we create to protect ourselves makes you feel naked and vulnerable. 9/11 and Katrina forced some of us out of those zones. You don't know what to expect. You don't know if anybody would jump into fire and floodwater to save you. But you just do it. Love is blind. We move forward into the unknown with a ferocious determination speaking and singing the vicious truth of our past. We stand heart to heart as an unbreakable family marching and dancing in an unending second line for the lives lost, celebrating the life they've inspired after death. post comment

[07 Oct 2008|12:50am] the night before i left i went 2 reggae night and danced for hours in the same spot. i was alone but it was like you were there with me you are a star. neva let anybody steal ur light. if u fall ill catch you, and make wishes that you'll neva get shot down you taught me how 2 dance n u neva gave up post comment

[05 Oct 2008|10:06pm] we keep it real cuz it is can't deny what you see name it we seen it got our hands in everything keepin it clean so our rims glean on the streets you sweep we run for our eat n walk 4 relief means to ends and ends to means the best is what we're aimin to be and tell our people don't neva give up do it for me you look up to us and thats why we're here doin things so you don't so we can teach you what to fear we aint sayin it like this but the end is comin near and all the people that don't care ain't gonna last over there post comment

[05 Oct 2008|06:53pm] you're beautiful and colorful like a butterfly one of a kind you make me smile and the happiness shoots through me like the fairy dust and happy thoughts that make u fly when you speak it's like a song, when you're sleepy it sounds like a lullaby. the little things you do mean so much, the way you dance, the way you hold my hand. when im with you it's like a moment frozen in time and your touch is the only heat i need. you're the brightest star in my sky. if you fall, i'll catch you and make wishes so you never get shot down. post comment

[02 Oct 2008|02:04pm] if you knew i would have stayed that way would you have treated me right or just walked away? if you told me how much i was worth and that you didnt really love her maybe i would have felt some pride instead i went to sleep every night feeling less than second best making up reasons why you gave her everything i wanted breaking your promise now i'm supposed to drop everything cuz she did you wrong and now you wanna be with me but baby i got my life to live, right now your just a dream, not really in it and i ain't gonna waste time trying to prove to you im not her im not like her, i dont have to act like im better than anybody else i think way back to the old days you said you didn't know how to talk to me in between us so much positive energy we were butterflies our love lighting up the night first time i saw you was in your white tee grill all sparkly when you smiled at me the way you danced pulled me into your world i never left, always gonna b ur grl so now i cant call you cuz it hurts too much to know what youre gonna do soon as we hang up cant take no more lies no more compliments no matta how hard ya try cant get to my head i know whats real and my imagination there's nobody else that can take the love i have for you it's too deep too true and sometimes i wish i could just forget the way you make me feel, the way you put me to bed your sweet songs are the only music i need your hopes, your dreams are my possibilities you've seen them come and you've seen them go but you were the first they not that, they know.. now i don't need nobody cuz i got me and you can stop spyin cuz they mean nothing i'm movin on from what i started when you broke my heart there's no lookin back, but ill always be a part of the movement that began when you opened me up do i really love you, or was it just beginner's luck? post comment

[02 Oct 2008|10:45am] I just saw some fucking sticker thing on facebook that says "when a guy makes you an option, make them a priority" and i think thats fucking BULLSHIT. somebody cant just be like, OK now you're an option and expect your world to fall at their feet. that's the PROBLEM. is that they're used to women falling down this line like dominoes yea well FUCK THAT ima be the one to cut u the fuck off when you make me an OPTION like you can stick me in a fucking fish tank of potentials and just throw ur mothafuckin line out there hoping you'll catch something nice!! i am not a motherfucking game. Bitch IM ME. ima be here when there's nothing left in the mothafuckin tank. BITCHES post comment

[02 Oct 2008|10:13am] i gave you everything i didnt want anymore all that shines aint gold surrounded by people falling for the tricks not the mountains i was born to move you told me, you get killed for doing favors but my sacrifices have given me new life you can have it all ill give you the best cuz i don't want it no more i wanna wake up from this nightmare to a new sun, a day of dreams everything i've left you are the trails of how to get where im at now if the moment is painful ill get through it needing nothing, nobody the sky holds me up on thin strings i wish you were here to see the view but you can't even look at me without being blinded and running away hoping ill come back to find you but you've got nothing i want everything ive ever been a part of is gonna keep moving life goes on in the people you touch our chemistry like magic, granting wishes pimpology has been a fun course but ive graduated my certificate, names written in blood on the streets i came to you at a crossroads you listened to my cries loved the way they sounded we made our pain into a song everybody wanted to hear the romance of our deadly love is beautiful like a stem of thorns petals like the broken wings of our angels in a glass case we can never escape the world we've created for ourselves victims of our imagination the warmth of our blood as we run with cold hearts is everybody's fire in some other dimension we are holding each other gently while here we kill each other off everybody running from the police mistaking the enemy what does it mean to be free with only the trapped and the trappers this cage is all we've got ill bend the iron gates for you set you free pick the lock with my teeth but you like it there too much you don't even turn around to see whether the door is open, or closed theres a mysterious genius inside of you beautiful like the music YOU make magic like the feeling i have when i think about you a pain burning inside my chest, beating my heart i don't know what it is i dont wanna trust it we are some other kind of love, freeing, trapping, giving, taking, testing every limit loving what we find inside the borders this is our home you'll never let me leave im cursed with ur blessings so all you'll see is my empty shell everything inside has moved on you want to be evil giving in to temptations for a momentary satisfaction you learn to live for with the strength to change and grow you stay where you're at protecting everything on the inside now you know who i am would you have handled me the same way if you knew before? i never stole your spotlight just made it shine brighter, you tried to take me off a stage we both shared since before we met i played along, consulting with my people we watched you like hawks pressures building don't back down now post comment

k$ [26 Sep 2008|10:00pm] hustlin is bout gettn it. pimpins bout puttn that shit 2getha n makin sum out it. bein a gangsta is bout bein real n hard. bein a soulja is bout noin how 2 survive. post comment

[21 Sep 2008|11:56am] My aunts wedding was last night. I got fucking twisted. The day before this bitch at the hair shop fucked my shit up and made it lighter than I want it. I was shaking and fuckin cryin for hours. Nobody will ever touch my hair again. I called the credit card company to dispute the payment. It's all I can do. Now that my hair is damaged and fucking BLEACHED. I was so happy, like, going strong for weeks just being happy, finally. And I woke up the day of the wedding feeling like a hundred bricks layed on top of me the night before. I was so excited for the day.. to be with my cousins and take pictures and everything.. but i was in a cloud. I was trying to keep my head up and get out of it but everywhere was a dead end. So when the music came on I just started dancing and danced all night. You always have that couple people at a wedding just wylin out. Last night it was me.. and my mom. I looked at the pictures. She never looks that happy in pictures with me and that kills me. Is she doing it on purpose?? Does she just have a lot on her mind? Is it because I'm not going to stick around here forever?? I can go on and on about all the stupid shit at home that pisses me off you know. There's so much of it. I just want every body to be happy and chill and appreciate the moments we have together. Nothing else matters. I just wanna get high. My aunt said some cool shit last night. She could tell I was thinkin bout him. When shit goes wrong I think about him. He used to bring me up but now he just brings me down and I just can't seem to shake it. She said when she was goin thru sum shit, she used to lay on the hood of her car and listen to music. The whole way to the wedding I didn't talk. Nothing was louder than my fears, my memories, my nightmares. Sometimes good things end so better things can happen. You don't always know what they are but you can imagine and if I open my heart I'm so scared of getting hurt again, but I think I'm strong enough to take it. I can't fall. I don't know what to do. Yesterday I gave up. I gave in to my fears and my doubts and felt like i had to go back to the same shit to get anywhere. I was so caught up and I really do wanna get out. I'm just so scared I'm not gonna be okay. I just want to let go. post comment

[20 Sep 2008|04:42pm] keep your head up life is what you make it enjoy the time you have and the people you're with make the most out of everything reach your limits love more be angry if you're sad and laugh about it post comment

[15 Sep 2008|05:20pm] i woke up this mornin and got on the train and slept past where i was sposed 2 switch n had 2 take 2 more trains 2 get back. so i rolled a blunt on the way 2 class. got back into town n got my cuz off the bus, we rode bikes and did homework. it's been a really beautiful day. im chiiiiln <3 post comment

[12 Sep 2008|06:35pm] we hate on their money they hate on our heart post comment

[12 Sep 2008|06:14pm] they say i talk wit 2 much emphasis oo they so sensitive everythings getn better. im trippin 2day. my bodys breakin down on me it doesn't like NY. The rain. The hurricanes all over TV, the lies. i looked up at the buildings it looked like a painting. i couldnt believe they were real. i miss the fine french architecture of new orleans, the tiny impossibly bright pastel houses. my people. d&d, tbc.. they ask me when u gonna go back? i didnt say anything for a while. now i'm just out with it. WHEN I GET MY MONEY RIGHT. no one on tha corna got schwagga like us. post comment

[10 Sep 2008|06:18pm] for all you nosey bitches secretly reading this shit... you're already fucked. so i ain't trippin karma people, learn that shit post comment

[08 Sep 2008|11:00pm] i remember the first time i saw you you were dancing i asked you to teach me how to dance it took a while but you never gave up on me and i think that's so cool cuz now im the dancing queen booooyaaa post comment

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